Get Fit Challenge Week 1 Recap
For the last 4 years or so, I have mostly fallen off the fitness wagon. I have eaten what I want, not worked out for weeks at a time, and been generally lazy. It was a complete 180 from the person I had become, who loved working out and training people, who was super fit. Although I looked good on the outside, I was FUCKED up on the inside. Still am in a lot of ways. My like was so chaotic, that I used that regimented fitness to control that ONE thing that I could control. I will say, when I commit to anything, I do it 100% and at that time, it showed. This was the smallest and “most fit” I have ever been and I was super proud of it. My life revolved around the gym. I literally had no balance in any other area, and my life was in flames,but to me it didn’t matter, as long as I looked good and worked out.
When my husband and I got together, my life was just starting to get to a point where I could finally breathe and relax for a change. It was the first time in my adult life that I was financially comfortable, had a job that I enjoyed, and was in a healthy relationship. It was the first time someone looked out and cared about me and it was a welcome change.
Unfortunately, I shifted to the other end of the spectrum when it came to my health and fitness. I just let it go. I didn’t have balance at ALL. I ate what I wanted, and worked out very little. I think in my head I thought I could always get back to what I was easily. But here’s the thing: as you get older, that shit gets harder to maintain. The times I got back on a fitness routine, I didn’t see the same quick results that I was used to. The weight didn’t fall off like it used to. It frustrated me and I would give up, and eat even more.
I ate myself into being a binge eater. I have used food to compensate for my feelings of inadequacy. I tried to hide it by saying I’m a “foodie”. But at the end of the day, I just ate and ate and ate and didn’t stop. For the longest time, I didn’t even have hunger cues, because I never allowed myself to get hungry. My metabolism was shot, and the weight piled on. Over the last 3.5 years, I have gained about 60 lbs or so.
I am no longer able to run, workouts that I used to love and would kill actually hurt now, and I ate myself into PCOS and insulin resistance. It’s affecting my fertility at this point. It has affected my relationship, and it makes me a hermit. I literally HATE going out, especially when I am going to be around people I know who knew me when I was thin. I have social anxiety now and it sucks. Clothes don’t fit, and I feel ugly all the time. I’ve been super depressed at times, and my relationship has suffered. My husband has been an angel throughout all of this, and I know I have to change for us as well.
This year, 2019, I am fed up. I am asking my friends to hold me accountable. This past week, I finally stepped on the scale for the first time in months. I weigh the most I have ever weighed, which is 244 lbs. I also wear the largest size I have ever worn, which is a 14-16. I am not comfortable at this weight. I am semi-healthy, thankfully I don’t have any serious health problems, but I am on track for that to change for the worse if I continue on this path.
I have started counting calories again. I am doing this to reset my body into eating only what I need, and not in excess. I am working out and setting calorie burn goals for the week. I am re-learning how to exercise and diet. I know this isn’t a lifestyle I can sustain, but I’m working to give myself the tools to get back to a healthy weight and to be fit. I want to be able to run a mile without stopping, to be top in my spin class, to crush a bootcamp, and most of all to get my fertility back on track.
Week 1 Recap
This week I have hit all of my goals and then some. I ran 3 times this week. I was actually under on my calorie goal. I worked out and did cardio as planned. I joined a weight loss challenge at work, and I want to win. I cursed and cried my way through them, and it was painful, but I did it. One of my goals is to run a 5k, and then a 10k. But I also want to be able to do sets of pull-ups, dips, and pushups without stopping. I want to be back in a size 10, I want to lose 50 lbs. I’m doing this for sanity, my health, and my relationship. I also want to prove to myself that I can follow though with something I say I’m going to do, because I haven’t done that in a long time.
I have decided to increase my monthly Classpass credits in order to take more classes. I have also started a NikeRun 5k program. I will run my first 5k in May. In addition to that, I also weight train at the gym on my own. I’m working on creating a routine, nothing crazy. Just a sustainable healthy, balanced lifestyle. I no longer want to do a bikini competition, I don’t want to eat broccoli and chicken nonstop and workout 7 days a week, I just want BALANCE.
If you stuck through reading all this, thank you. Let me know what your goals are for the new year, and GOOD LUCK!