Get Fit Challenge Week 1 Recap

For the last 4 years or so, I have mostly fallen off the fitness wagon. I have eaten what I want, not worked out for weeks at a time, and been generally lazy. It was a complete 180 from the person I had become, who loved working out and training people, who was super fit. Although I looked good on the outside, I was FUCKED up on the inside. Still am in a lot of ways. My like was so chaotic, that I used that regimented fitness to control that ONE thing that I could control. I will say, when I commit to anything, I do it 100% and at that time, it showed. This was the smallest and “most fit” I have ever been and I was super proud of it. My life revolved around the gym. I literally had no balance in any other area, and my life was in flames,but to me it didn’t matter, as long as I looked good and worked out.

When my husband and I got together, my life was just starting to get to a point where I could finally breathe and relax for a change. It was the first time in my adult life that I was financially comfortable, had a job that I enjoyed, and was in a healthy relationship. It was the first time someone looked out and cared about me and it was a welcome change.

Unfortunately, I shifted to the other end of the spectrum when it came to my health and fitness. I just let it go. I didn’t have balance at ALL. I ate what I wanted, and worked out very little. I think in my head I thought I could always get back to what I was easily. But here’s the thing: as you get older, that shit gets harder to maintain. The times I got back on a fitness routine, I didn’t see the same quick results that I was used to. The weight didn’t fall off like it used to. It frustrated me and I would give up, and eat even more.

I ate myself into being a binge eater. I have used food to compensate for my feelings of inadequacy. I tried to hide it by saying I’m a “foodie”. But at the end of the day, I just ate and ate and ate and didn’t stop. For the longest time, I didn’t even have hunger cues, because I never allowed myself to get hungry. My metabolism was shot, and the weight piled on. Over the last 3.5 years, I have gained about 60 lbs or so.

I am no longer able to run, workouts that I used to love and would kill actually hurt now, and I ate myself into PCOS and insulin resistance. It’s affecting my fertility at this point. It has affected my relationship, and it makes me a hermit. I literally HATE going out, especially when I am going to be around people I know who knew me when I was thin. I have social anxiety now and it sucks. Clothes don’t fit, and I feel ugly all the time. I’ve been super depressed at times, and my relationship has suffered. My husband has been an angel throughout all of this, and I know I have to change for us as well.

This year, 2019, I am fed up. I am asking my friends to hold me accountable. This past week, I finally stepped on the scale for the first time in months. I weigh the most I have ever weighed, which is 244 lbs. I also wear the largest size I have ever worn, which is a 14-16. I am not comfortable at this weight. I am semi-healthy, thankfully I don’t have any serious health problems, but I am on track for that to change for the worse if I continue on this path.

I have started counting calories again. I am doing this to reset my body into eating only what I need, and not in excess. I am working out and setting calorie burn goals for the week. I am re-learning how to exercise and diet. I know this isn’t a lifestyle I can sustain, but I’m working to give myself the tools to get back to a healthy weight and to be fit. I want to be able to run a mile without stopping, to be top in my spin class, to crush a bootcamp, and most of all to get my fertility back on track.

Week 1 Recap

This week I have hit all of my goals and then some. I ran 3 times this week. I was actually under on my calorie goal. I worked out and did cardio as planned. I joined a weight loss challenge at work, and I want to win. I cursed and cried my way through them, and it was painful, but I did it. One of my goals is to run a 5k, and then a 10k. But I also want to be able to do sets of pull-ups, dips, and pushups without stopping. I want to be back in a size 10, I want to lose 50 lbs. I’m doing this for sanity, my health, and my relationship. I also want to prove to myself that I can follow though with something I say I’m going to do, because I haven’t done that in a long time.

I have decided to increase my monthly Classpass credits in order to take more classes. I have also started a NikeRun 5k program. I will run my first 5k in May. In addition to that, I also weight train at the gym on my own. I’m working on creating a routine, nothing crazy. Just a sustainable healthy, balanced lifestyle. I no longer want to do a bikini competition, I don’t want to eat broccoli and chicken nonstop and workout 7 days a week, I just want BALANCE.

If you stuck through reading all this, thank you. Let me know what your goals are for the new year, and GOOD LUCK!

2 Comments

  1. Cindy

    January 6, 2019 at 4:02 pm

    Omg I can relate to so much on this post, girl. You’re transparency and diligence to get back to a place where you’re comfortable in your own skin again are truly inspiring. Know that I’m cheering you on from afar and am even more encouraged to hit my goal of losing 30 lbs this year too. 💜💜💜

    1. misscocoj

      January 9, 2019 at 8:55 am

      Thanks for reading Cindy, and good luck to you!

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